Ben Affleck should definitely send a Christmas card to Tim Allen and Jamie Lee Curtis this year, because thanks to their Christmas with the Kranks, Affleck's Surviving Christmas, released earlier this year, suddenly seems a whole lot better by comparison. Christmas with the Kranks isn't just the worst Christmas movie of the year, it ranks right up there as one of the worst Christmas movies ever made!
Allen and Curtis play Luther and Nora Krank, a couple whose daughter has just gone to Peru with the Peace Corps, leaving the two of them childless for the holidays for the first time in 23 years. Luther hits upon the idea of skipping the normal festivities and going with his wife on a ten-day Caribbean cruise. Nora is reluctant at first, but soon warms to the idea. Their neighbors however are affronted by the Kranks' lack of holiday spirit and their refusal to participate in the neighborhood decoration contest. Eventually, as has been shown endlessly in the previews, their daughter calls them on Christmas Eve to tell them that she'll be coming home for Christmas after all, and they've got only a few hours to get the house decorated and prepare for their usual Christmas Eve party.
The 'jokes' in the movie are quite pathetic and many of them are straight out slapstick, and almost all of them are telegraphed way in advance or have already been shown in the previews; Tim Allen falls off the roof, Jamie Lee Curtis goes riding on a shopping cart, Christmas carolers slip on a frozen sidewalk. The only people in the audience that were laughing as I watched this movie were very young children. Most of the adults were either groaning or glancing at their watches.
Being that the story is based upon a successful book by John Grisham (which I've never read), I can only assume that something was lost in the translation, leaving several plot holes or at least questionable actions by the main characters. Since the idea of skipping Christmas is merely to save money, there really isn't a reason given as to why the Kranks refuse to participate in the cheap or free activities of Christmas. A major point of contention between Luther and the neighbors is that Luther won't put up his Frosty the Snowman on the roof of his house. Since Luther already owns the Frosty, it makes no sense that he won't put it up now. And why he won't spend $20 on a calendar for charity is also unexplained. Perhaps the book was trying to make a point about the commercialism of Christmas, but if there was any kind of message it's totally lost in this script by Home Alone director Chris Columbus.
The movie tries to portray Luther as the selfish bad guy for daring to celebrate or not celebrate Christmas in his own way. And yet, according to this movie, his neighbors have no real life of their own, except to pass judgment upon his. Apparently, there aren't any Jewish people living anywhere in this Chicago neighborhood either. Rather than having anyone try to show Luther the good side of Christmas, he simply has the holiday spirit rammed down his throat for showing his individuality.
I dislike certain movies that I've seen in the past, but only a few do I actually say that I hate. Christmas with the Kranks is now added to that short list. Instead of coal in the stockings of bad children this year, Santa should pass out tickets to this movie.
